So…How’s Life?

Just thought I’d check in as I haven’t written in SO long.

I kept doing the whole ‘I must write another blog!’ and then ‘Nahhh I’m having too much fun doing X Y Z…’ and off I went distracted absorbing (yes, absorbing!) myself into some activity I enjoyed. I also found that as I was feeling better I was able to write creatively in other ways which I hadn’t properly in so long and that sort of took away my desire to blog. I was writing in my diary, to friends, opening up to people on other topics encouraging that flow of creativity again. I even started writing the book which I had had going round in my head for so long. OK, it’s difficult to find time to keep going with it but the ideas are all there and I’m hoping I build on it over time.

If you asked me how I felt regarding Anxiety, I would sum it up by saying I regularly have to pinch myself.

monty-python-s-the-meaning-of-life

That is honestly how I feel. I am so happy and at peace now that I get little shivery moments of appreciation at how good and healthy I now feel. There was a point where I 100% believed I would never be better. Now, I feel better and happier, more at peace, and more healthy, than I have ever felt before. The memory of how bad it was does not blot my life anymore but has only served to reinstate this appreciation of what I now have. In honesty, I could not be more thankful for the experience. Anxiety has shaped my life for the better, without a doubt.

If I look back at posts from around a year ago, I remember feeling and saying then that I had recovered, or rather was ‘close to recovery’ etc. etc. But now, I see that really, once you are on this road, things only get better and better. I am no longer trying to ‘recover’ because I don’t feel ill anymore, but despite myself, I am continuing to feel better and better. I wonder if there’s ever a plateau? I don’t think so and if there is, bring on this blissful plateau…

This looks more dry and hot than blissful but I liked the sign…

plateau

As Paul always said, when you stop looking for recovery, recovery comes to you, and I can advocate personally for how true that is. 

The thing about psychological and emotional awareness and knowledge, is that once you get onto the right road, you really only open up your world to a happiness that improves your life in more ways that you could have imagined, almost as if there is no limit to the depth nor to the understanding that is available to you, on people around you, situations, expectations, behaviour, thoughts, reactions. There is a multitude of experiences that trickle through your consciousness, so slowly and subtly that you won’t notice them at the time. It’s only when you look back or you’re faced with something similar, that you realise you have knowledge on it. You find out things about yourself that you would never ever have known any other way.

I believe you have to suffer in order to see. I truly believe that. 

I have to clarify, as always, that I am not saying I don’t get Anxiety anymore. It’s just that I don’t really care anymore. And because of THAT it never gets that bad. Isn’t the human brain incredible? It basically adapts to accept things. The shock factor wears off. Anxiety can sometimes still grip my jaw, my head, my chest, make me shake, take away my appetite (and sometimes I still wonder why) but the difference is that the reaction does not shock me anymore, so, as a result, the Anxiety goes through the motions and dissipates much more quickly.

I still get Anxiety. But I no longer get Anxiety about Anxiety. And this, for me, is all I need. 

Random things I like….

dog-aromatherapycarnation

I am no expert on Anxiety. I am only an expert on myself. And these are the things I have learnt which may or may not help others with similar problems:

  • Find your own groove and stick to it. Your opinion is the only one that matters. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should be doing.
  • Be honest about who you are, with yourself and others. Accept the good and the bad. Forgive yourself for the bad and the bad becomes not so bad…
  • Find in your heart what makes you truly happy and fill your life with as much of this as possible. I’m not talking about a means to an end, like dating to find a boyfriend or working to make money or posting a photo to get as many Likes as possible. I’m talking about happiness right here in the moment…for me, these are stroking a dog, walking in the countryside, helping others, DANCING, grooming a horse, cups of tea with my Mum, planting flowers (new, but LOVE it?!), catch ups with my best friends, reading a book, swimming in the sea (warm), the sun on my face (sun tan lotion), writing with no preconceived idea of where it’ll go….
  • Appreciate the small wonders in your world. Look around, they are everywhere. I really love how this lovely lady writes about appreciating the small things. This is one of many on her blog: Small Things.
  • Empathise with others, however much they appear to have. EVERYONE has shit going on and the way they act as a result is not personal to you. When you can soften to others, you soften to yourself.

I’ll stop there but the main message I wanted to share was that anyone suffering with Anxiety, have no fear, you will feel better. This awful experience will pass, and when it does, a YOU you never knew existed will emerge. Don’t try and rush through the bad days. The bad days are the important days, the days that carry the greatest lessons and hold the greatest potential for change.

Different things help different people but there is one sure thing that helps every single person without fail and that is very simply: Time.

sunshine_145918109

Comment and share any time….

 

 

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This entry was posted in Acceptance, Anxiety, Anxiety disorders, At Last a Life, Attraction, Breakdown, Confidence, Depression, Develop, Dignity, Emotions, GAD, Growth, Journey, Learn, Mental health, Mindfulness, Panic attacks, Paul David, Positivity, Strength, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to So…How’s Life?

  1. horty says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your story and writing your blog. I am in the midst of anxiety that swamped me suddenly 6 weeks ago….it’s the second time around. I want what you have, the ability not to be connected to the anxious feelings so that they are not bothersome. I manage it for seconds here and there but otherwise I feel like I am still drowning. It is one thing to think rationally that it’s no big deal, the feelings don’t mean anything and quite another to actually put that into practice. How did you achieve this and how long did it take? I want to be thankful for the experience of anxiety!

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    • Heyyy. Thanks so much for commenting 😊 I am so sorry you’re going through this horrible time, it really is difficult especially so early on and I know how much you must be suffering right now. You are doing well though, in fact you are already doing everything you need to be doing, in fact you need to do LESS and be kinder to yourself because you’re not in control of any of this, it’s just something your brain is going through to heal. Don’t add more stress by trying to be thankful or trying to be Ok, just let the shit stuff happen and I promise you, at some point it’ll leave you, you won’t know how or why, it just does, once you’ve given your brain the space to calm and heal. It could be days, weeks, months, I can’t tell you that, but you will get better as it’s the way our systems work, to adapt, to accept and to strengthen when given chance to heal. From what you say above it sounds like you’re trying to fight it, so fight yourself. Do you see how you’re adding the stress to your mind by wanting it to go away? It doesn’t need to go away because it’s not actually dangerous and nothing bad will ever ever happen no matter how long you have anxiety. It’s just your body trying to keep you safe but it’s not harmful so just let it happen. You say you’re drowning, just let yourself drown, completely and utterly. Have you read some of my earlier posts? Those earlier anxiety ones may make more sense to you at the moment, I was much more buried in it around a year ago. I honestly thought I would never recover but something changed along the way, I accepted anxiety into my life and it eased by itself. You asked, how did I achieve this? I think it’s everyone’s own journey and it’s about you finding what helps you, what makes you happy, what makes you stressed, so my journey may not help you but I accepted that maybe it would never completely go away and that was OK, secondly I realised that anxiety is not dangerous but a helpful protective reaction and thirdly that I needed to be kinder to myself in how I felt in all areas of my life. Your answers will come to you when you let go, they won’t come if you search so do exactly as Paul says and give up the search totally and utterly. If your anxiety goes through the roof, let it. If you panic, let it happen. I’m not saying it’s easy, but it is very simple. How we feel is completely and utterly out of our control, that’s what I realised, and if you feel bad, you roll with it and feel as bad as you need to feel. I know you will get through this as everyone does but please comment or message me anytime you need support as I understand how hard the journey can be. You will emerge a stronger person though and one day you will be thankful, just not yet though. For now just be however you are Xx

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      • Horty says:

        Thank you very much for responding to me. I shall keep at just living life and see where it takes me. I have had a mindset change in that what I want now is not for the anxiety to leave but for me to no longer fear it or be bothered with it.
        What did you do with your head while you were going through each day and the feelings/emotions were so strong? It’s being dragged all over the place by my thoughts that is very hard. And what does it feel like now to feel anxiety but not be worried by it? Maybe that’s a question that cannot be answered because I’m not there.

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      • I did a lot of things with my head I tell you that. For a long time! Until I realised it wasn’t the way to go. No matter how hard I thrashed and tried and thought differently or changed things, it only made it worse. Truly the only way to go is to let go but that’s something you will only learn with experience so don’t try to do that either. Trying to let go is, as you can see, paradoxical. I used to say to myself in the bad moments, ‘all I need to do is stay alive. That’s it. Stay alive and some day at some point something will change.’ That’s no exaggeration either. And I was right. Know you will be OK some dat but accept that you are not OK today. Do whatever your brain and body need today, never blame yourself or be harsh. You are strong for going through this X

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  2. Ashley says:

    Hello, I was wondering if you ever had a problem with obsessive thinking when it came to songs, is this something my anxiety is causing. It’s like no matter what I hear any random song over and over.

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    • Hello, sounds like a typical symptom of anxiety, anything like that with obsessive thinking, the mind overworking, churning things round and round or repeating itself. Sounds pretty familiar, I’m pretty sure I’ve had every symptom going, but also everyone suffers slightly different symptoms so don’t get upset if people can’t relate. I knew someone who’s toes and fingers went numb, or cold when anxious, it sounds funny to hear it but it would really make them panic! And another who’s eye flicks repetitively, I would get numb arms, as for my mind Gosh don’t get me started, my mind has done every acrobatic in the book I promise you. We are all wired differently and react differently, but none of the symptoms can hurt us. Hearing random songs over and over is annoying but it can never hurt you, just let them play and don’t be worried about it. It’ll fizzle out eventually. Always here to chat to if you need 🙂

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