Just thought I’d check in as I haven’t written in SO long.
I kept doing the whole ‘I must write another blog!’ and then ‘Nahhh I’m having too much fun doing X Y Z…’ and off I went distracted absorbing (yes, absorbing!) myself into some activity I enjoyed. I also found that as I was feeling better I was able to write creatively in other ways which I hadn’t properly in so long and that sort of took away my desire to blog. I was writing in my diary, to friends, opening up to people on other topics encouraging that flow of creativity again. I even started writing the book which I had had going round in my head for so long. OK, it’s difficult to find time to keep going with it but the ideas are all there and I’m hoping I build on it over time.
If you asked me how I felt regarding Anxiety, I would sum it up by saying I regularly have to pinch myself.
That is honestly how I feel. I am so happy and at peace now that I get little shivery moments of appreciation at how good and healthy I now feel. There was a point where I 100% believed I would never be better. Now, I feel better and happier, more at peace, and more healthy, than I have ever felt before. The memory of how bad it was does not blot my life anymore but has only served to reinstate this appreciation of what I now have. In honesty, I could not be more thankful for the experience. Anxiety has shaped my life for the better, without a doubt.
If I look back at posts from around a year ago, I remember feeling and saying then that I had recovered, or rather was ‘close to recovery’ etc. etc. But now, I see that really, once you are on this road, things only get better and better. I am no longer trying to ‘recover’ because I don’t feel ill anymore, but despite myself, I am continuing to feel better and better. I wonder if there’s ever a plateau? I don’t think so and if there is, bring on this blissful plateau…
This looks more dry and hot than blissful but I liked the sign…
As Paul always said, when you stop looking for recovery, recovery comes to you, and I can advocate personally for how true that is.
The thing about psychological and emotional awareness and knowledge, is that once you get onto the right road, you really only open up your world to a happiness that improves your life in more ways that you could have imagined, almost as if there is no limit to the depth nor to the understanding that is available to you, on people around you, situations, expectations, behaviour, thoughts, reactions. There is a multitude of experiences that trickle through your consciousness, so slowly and subtly that you won’t notice them at the time. It’s only when you look back or you’re faced with something similar, that you realise you have knowledge on it. You find out things about yourself that you would never ever have known any other way.
I believe you have to suffer in order to see. I truly believe that.
I have to clarify, as always, that I am not saying I don’t get Anxiety anymore. It’s just that I don’t really care anymore. And because of THAT it never gets that bad. Isn’t the human brain incredible? It basically adapts to accept things. The shock factor wears off. Anxiety can sometimes still grip my jaw, my head, my chest, make me shake, take away my appetite (and sometimes I still wonder why) but the difference is that the reaction does not shock me anymore, so, as a result, the Anxiety goes through the motions and dissipates much more quickly.
I still get Anxiety. But I no longer get Anxiety about Anxiety. And this, for me, is all I need.
Random things I like….
I am no expert on Anxiety. I am only an expert on myself. And these are the things I have learnt which may or may not help others with similar problems:
- Find your own groove and stick to it. Your opinion is the only one that matters. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you should be doing.
- Be honest about who you are, with yourself and others. Accept the good and the bad. Forgive yourself for the bad and the bad becomes not so bad…
- Find in your heart what makes you truly happy and fill your life with as much of this as possible. I’m not talking about a means to an end, like dating to find a boyfriend or working to make money or posting a photo to get as many Likes as possible. I’m talking about happiness right here in the moment…for me, these are stroking a dog, walking in the countryside, helping others, DANCING, grooming a horse, cups of tea with my Mum, planting flowers (new, but LOVE it?!), catch ups with my best friends, reading a book, swimming in the sea (warm), the sun on my face (sun tan lotion), writing with no preconceived idea of where it’ll go….
- Appreciate the small wonders in your world. Look around, they are everywhere. I really love how this lovely lady writes about appreciating the small things. This is one of many on her blog: Small Things.
- Empathise with others, however much they appear to have. EVERYONE has shit going on and the way they act as a result is not personal to you. When you can soften to others, you soften to yourself.
I’ll stop there but the main message I wanted to share was that anyone suffering with Anxiety, have no fear, you will feel better. This awful experience will pass, and when it does, a YOU you never knew existed will emerge. Don’t try and rush through the bad days. The bad days are the important days, the days that carry the greatest lessons and hold the greatest potential for change.
Different things help different people but there is one sure thing that helps every single person without fail and that is very simply: Time.
Comment and share any time….